post-grad – alyssa janell

If I’m being honest, I’m terrible at transitions. I tend to move from one thing to the other without really stopping to appreciate the in-between, mainly because I’m always looking ahead to the future. Being futuristic is one of my strengths, but in a season of life where I really don’t know what the future holds, it’s turning out to be a major weakness. I’m stuck in the in-between stage of transition and it’s slowly killing me.

That being said, I’ve been looking for a way to keep my sanity intact and to actually be present in this in-between season. I realized, that if I set short-term goals over the course of a few weeks, or even a few months, it might ebb some of my anxiety that I feel about the future.

I’m a list-oriented person (but truthfully I like making them rather than actually sticking to them), so I’ve created a short list of things I want to work on this month:

1.) Budget better. I guess part of being an adult is actually learning how to save some of the money you make instead of blowing it all on Nutella and the Target dollar section.

2.) Live a healthier lifestyle. Obviously four years of a diet comprised mostly of Top Ramen has not set me up for this goal very well, but I’m determined to find a way to be more mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy. But that doesn’t mean I totally have to cut donuts out of my life, right?

3.) Write something productive every week. It’s no secret that writing is one of my biggest passions, but between transitioning into my full-time job and trying to balance adult-life, I haven’t really made any time to do any sort of writing. My goal is to designate a time each week, even just for an hour, to get some solid writing done.

4.) Be more positive. I’ve been feeling like there’s a lot of negativity in my life lately (mostly because I’ve been dwelling on all the things that I can’t control, which only serves to make me really unhappy), and I want to change that.

I’m hoping that focusing on these small things that I can control and achieve in the next month or so will keep me focused on the present and help me to worry less about the future.

It’s hard to believe that I graduated from college two weeks ago. Like what?! It doesn’t feel real. Here’s a photo of me to prove that it was, in fact, real.

A lot of my last year at APU went by in one big, fun blur–especially graduation. And because of that, I worry that I didn’t make the most of it.

I know that I have this tendency to move from one thing to the next in life quickly. I’m futuristic in nature and I can’t help but be excited about what lies ahead of me, especially when I know what that is. But this whole post-grad situation is throwing me off a little bit because I don’t know what lies ahead of me this time. I literally have no idea. Okay, well, I have some ideas, but nothing that really thrills me. Right now, it feels like I’m constantly staring into this void, squinting really hard to try and see a little glimmer of something there that will tell me what the next step is, but there’s nothing. And I know it’s only been two weeks and I’m trying to give myself time, but it’s scary out here. Probably because people won’t stop asking me what I’m going to be doing now that I’ve graduated college and I keep having to tell them the same thing: I don’t know.

I just want everyone I know who knows a recent grad to know that it’s okay to not ask: So what are you going to do now? It’s totally okay to not even bring the future up at all. Like, seriously, avoid that topic like the plague. Because the reality is that probably only 17% (and that might be being generous, but idk because I’m making this up for effect) of college grads actually know what they are going to do with their lives. And even if they do “know,” that plan might change. So don’t ask me or I will be damning you to hell in my head during our whole conversation. Kthanksbye.

Yes, I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life at 22 years old. Shocking. I know. And the more you ask me about what I want to do, the more the fear that I won’t even do anything at all worth while with my life rises, which only results in poor mental health for me.

Which brings me kind of full circle as you’ll see in a minute. My friend Natalie posted something on Instagram the other day about the importance of self-care in this new, unknown season of life. And honestly, if I’m going to stay mentally sound through the barrage of questions thrown at me daily about my future, I’m going to need some serious self-care (especially because I’m so terrible at transitions and I’m basically stuck in a perpetual transition right now–whoo!). So, I’m planning on reading a lot of good books, focusing on my physical health, writing daily (on my blog, in my journal, finishing my books, etc.), drinking a lot of coffee, trying to have a green thumb, and basically doing anything that makes me really, really happy.

So, I guess my new answer to the question “what will you be doing now?” is simply: Whatever makes me happy.

alyssa janell

Just the musings of a California girl who dreams of New York, is the biggest advocate of breakfast foods and anything with avocado on it, who is waiting for that pivotal moment she becomes a baseball wife.

Tag: post-grad

How is it August already???