I love dreaming about the future. LOVE IT. So, naturally, the new year is one of my most treasured times of year. It’s a season filled with hope for all that is to come. Everyone is ready to put the past year behind them and face the new one head on.

I also love the new year because it means resolutions. I might be part of the lone population that actually loves making resolutions and setting goals for myself. I’m a goal digger. It gets me excited about the future because I know it’s filled with endless possibilities and achievements. Of course I’m much better at coming up with my resolutions than actually keeping them, but ma la’asot (hebrew for “what can you do?”).

So, I thought that I would share with you a list of goals, dreams and activities I would like to accomplish in 2016, in hopes that whoever reads this will hold me accountable throughout the year.

2k16 Goals

1. Take a dance class.
2. Travel to at least 1 new place.
3. Finish writing 2 books.
4. Run a half marathon.
5. Learn ASL.
6. Finish redecorating my room (so I can start living like an adult).
7. Maintain a healthy weight that makes me feel confident.
8. Learn to skateboard.
9. Swim with Otters!
10. Learn to shoot a bow & arrow.
11. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
12. Learn to shoot a gun.
13. Participate in a stay-cation in Sacramento.
14. Be able to do the splits.
15. Learn how to play the guitar.
16. Volunteer my time & skills.
17. Take a solo trip to somewhere new!
18. Open a savings account strictly for travel.
19. Take a Hebrew class.
20. Learn real self defense.
21. Create a budget & stick to it.
22. Go snowboarding.
23. Establish a blog presence and style.

I’ve also decided that I want to focus on one word for 2016: HUSTLE. I want  to work hard to achieve everything I’ve set before myself for the year and to see little pieces of my big dreams come into fruition. I want to look back at this year and say that I hustled with determination through everything that was thrown at me. Hard work pays off and reaps great rewards and  I’m gonna whistle while I hustle through 2016.

To be honest, turning 23 feels really strange. I know I’m not old, but this birthday feels more significant than others before it. It’s the first birthday that I’ve had after graduating college and it feels like adulthood is smacking me across the face. And while that’s a little scary, I realize that I’ve learned a lot in these past 23 years that has made me ready to face adulthood head on.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1.) Choose your friends wisely and only invest in relationships that are fruitful. I’ve had enough time to realize that I only care to invest in relationships that are good for me. I’m not going to waste my time trying to build a relationship with someone who doesn’t invest in me as equally as I invest in them. Bad friends and unfruitful relationships are a ginormous waste of time and only make you feel worse about yourself. The moment you choose to remove those relationships from your life, the better your life will be. Similarly, it’s okay to let go of friendships, even if you’ve been friends for years. That’s the natural order of things. Some relationships fade, others blossom. As your life changes, you realize the people you need to keep around you and the people you don’t.

2.) Positivity is essential to your well-being. It’s really easy to be negative and sometimes I’m embarrassed at how naturally that comes to me. But, I’ve learned that simply being positive in the face of trial makes everything so much easier. Life is better if you look at things from a positive point of view because it forces you to change your perspective. There is definite power in positivity. Plus, no one likes a grump. That’s just a fact.

3.) Take risks and don’t be a afraid to make mistakes. It’s how you learn. This is something that I’m still working on. I’ve never been a huge risk taker because I’m always afraid of the failure that is so often coupled with it. But, I’ve realized that accepting failure and owning your mistakes makes you a better person because it teaches you vital life lessons. Also, how you respond to failure demonstrates your character. I want to live my life unafraid to take risks, welcoming failure with open arms.

4.) Pay attention to what sets your soul on fire. That’s what you should be doing with your life. Take it form a recent college grad, even if you get a degree in something, it’s hard to figure out exactly what you’re going to do with your life. But if I’ve realized anything since graduating, it’s that you should follow your passions because it’s what you’re best at. I believe that our natural talents and skills inform what we are passionate about and we should be using those talents and skills in the workforce. People who pursue what they’re passionate about are naturally happier (or at least I’m choosing to believe that).

5.) Work with what your Momma gave ya. Obviously this is a lot easier said than done. And I’ll probably always struggle with loving the way I look, but I’ve realized that the days I choose to accept and love what I have, I am much happier. And honestly, I think we’re all a lot hotter than we give ourselves credit for. So, I’m choosing to love what I have (and still continue to work on feeling good in my own skin in my own time) because I won’t always have a body that’s 23. Also, take care of your body. It really is a temple and won’t be able to put up with the same abuse you are putting it through now (aka you won’t always be able to eat fries with every meal without suffering some sort of consequence, so just take note of that now and maybe try to make a few better choices?).

6.) Take time to focus on yourself. You’re the only person who has to live with you for your entire life, so make sure you’re carving out time to love yourself in only the ways you know how. Be a little selfish sometimes. It’s okay to prioritize yourself over other things once in a while. You deserve it.

7.) Collect moments, not things. You know those moments when you’re hanging out with your best friends and everything seems to slow and you just think, I am so happy to be alive and experiencing this right now? Hold onto those moments because they make your life richer than you can even imagine. File them away in a safe place to recall when life gets too hard. Those moments will remind you that you’re lucky to be alive and that you have so much to live for. You can collect all the things you want, but no amount of stuff will ever fulfill you.

8.) Say no firmly. Sometimes this is a really hard one for me, and other days it’s really easy (just depends on how feisty I’m feeling that day). I think this is an important lesson to learn because it saves you from getting into situations that you already knew you didn’t want to be in but were to0 afraid to say no to for fear of hurting someone’s feeling (or making a mistake. See #3). Trust me, I’ve been there far too many times and I think I’m finally learning how perfectly alright it is to say no to things that you just don’t want to be a part of.

9.) Everyone is lonely. No matter how happy people may seem, everyone feels lonely at one time or another. Even people with 1000+ friends are lonely. This is just a universal truth.

10.) No one has their life fully together. Big shocker: NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING. Despite our perfectly captioned, artsy Instagrams, all of us are barely getting by. That’s half the fun of growing up. Don’t fret if your life isn’t falling perfectly into place like you had hoped. Being perfect is highly overrated anyway. Enjoy the transitions because they are just as important as the end result. And if things get a little messy along the way than that’s just fine.

11.) Find your purpose. This is huge. Once you discover your purpose for being on this Earth, everything seems to fall into place (even if things really aren’t in their place).

12.) You have so much time left. But, use that time wisely. It’s really easy for us to panic about growing older because it means time is slipping away. Each year seems to be going by faster and faster and before we know it, our time on Earth will be over. While there is truth to that, we all have sooooo much time left. There is plenty of time to accomplish all your dreams and goals, you just have to put the time you have each day to good use.

13.) Don’t settle. You have an incredible amount of worth and shouldn’t short-change yourself. This kind of goes along with #8. It’s really easy to say yes to things that are easy. But if you live life that way, sooner or later you’ll realize how unhappy you are. Everyone has more worth than they think they do, and if we all lived our life intent on never settling, I honestly think that everyone would be happier. Know who you are and what you’re worth and don’t settle for anything less than amazing.

14.) Be adaptable. Be willing to make changes to your life and know that you are never stuck in one situation. You have the power to make a change if something isn’t making you happy. Knowing you have that kind of power and ability in life makes making decisions much easier. Also, be able to adapt to any given situation. Don’t be so set in your ways. This makes going through life much easier.

15.) Own who you are and never make apologies for who you are. Everyone has unsavory parts about them. It’s just natural. I propose, instead of trying to change those unsavory parts to become a perfect person, just own them. Realize there are things you could be better at, but don’t be so concerned with them that you try to completely change who you are. Because you’re awesome and fierce and gorgeous and you should never make apologies for that. People are so much more beautiful when they JUST OWN IT.

16.) Be patient with yourself and show yourself grace. Let’s be honest: sometimes you really suck. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Everyone sucks. Show yourself the same grace that you would show a dear friend and realize that there are days you will hate yourself and days you will be so in love with yourself you don’t know how people don’t just constantly fawn over you. And most of the time there is no in between. Just be patient on both days.

17.) You are in charge of your own happiness. You control how happy you choose to be. Don’t let another person, material things, or moments try to dictate how happy you should be. YOU are the one who gets to decide. You can either be a Grinch or Cindy Lou Who; the choice is up to you. (Also, news flash: you don’t need a significant other to be happy. Just putting that out there).

18.) Hustle. No matter what you are doing, hustle. Life is so much sweeter when you’ve worked hard to get where you are.

19.) Find the right balance for you life. Everyone needs a different degree of things to be happy: some like more social time, some enjoy more time at work, and some enjoy more time to themselves. And there are thousands of variants. Find the right balance between all the different elements in your life that works for you life. And respect the balance that other people have chosen for their lives.

20.) Be a good steward of all that is entrusted to you. Money. Time. Friendships. Talent. Words. Ideas. Use everything you have wisely.

21.) Stick up for yourself. You are amazing and everyone should think so. If they try to tell you differently, stand up for yourself. You might be surrounded by people who will try to do this for you and that’s wonderful. Keep those people around. But don’t be afraid to think you are awesome and to stand up for yourself when others tell you otherwise. The more you do this, the more confident you will become.

22.) Your perception of yourself is always different than what the world sees. As stated above, keep those who think you are amazing close. You will often forget how awesome you are and you’ll need those people to remind you.

As I’ve reflected on these past 22 years of life and everything I’ve experienced, I’ve realized that nothing is truer than this:

23.) Life is a beautiful, confusing thing and should be lived to the fullest. Enjoy all the ups and downs of life because that’s what makes things fun and interesting. Don’t give up even when things seem hard because there is always so much to live for. I believe in living life to the fullest, even if it’s messy and scary. I hope my 23rd year will be full and robust and scary and confusing and exiting and beautiful. And I plan on living it to the fullest.

Okay, so somehow I let myself go two months without writing a blog post. I keep trying to make excuses as to why I haven’t done them: working full time, a lot on my plate, not enough time to really sit down and write. But, if I’m being honest, it’s because the mere thought of sitting down to write has been a huge source of anxiety lately. Part of it is because I’ve had no real inspiration and part of it is because there’s this pressure to produce something worth reading every time I sit down.

While I was in school, writing was my creative outlet. It was something I did when I really just need to give my left brain a break and my right brain was screaming out for some attention. Now that I’m out of school, writing has actually become work. While I still do it for fun, it has become much more apparent to me that this is the career path I have chosen and if I want to be successful, I’ll have to put a lot of hard work into it. No more writing when inspiration strikes. I have to write even when inspiration isn’t there. It means getting up early and staying up late. It means basically having a part-time job on top of my full-time job. And I’m not sure I was really prepared for that reality.

Over these past two months, I’ve asked myself countless times: Why do I write? And the answer wasn’t always clear, but here’s what I came up with.

1.) I write because it’s how I process things. This mostly happens when I’m journaling. Things just make more sense when I’m writing them out. And the world seems a much less scary place when I can put all the jumbled words in my head onto a piece of paper. My anxiety ebbs and I feel like a whole person. My words take on truth and make more sense when they are physically written down.

2.) I write because I’ve always done it. There are a few times in my adolescence that I remember realizing I just really loved writing. I was always creating stories based on my family and friends that I kept hidden in notebooks under my bed. I loved when a project in school required us to write a creative story because I knew I would flourish. I never questioned why writing was something I loved to do. It’s just always been.

3.) I write because it’s the one thing I’m most passionate about (next to baseball). When I was a freshman in college, I changed my major from Cinematic Arts to English with a concentration in Writing after one semester. I realized that what I loved most about Cinematic Arts was not the actual filming or production, but the storytelling. Once I realized that it was the thing I was most passionate about and that I could actually turn it into a career, I didn’t hesitate to change my major. Nothing I have ever done in my entire life has felt as natural as it did to change my major. Once I started taking classes, I was even more hooked than I could have ever imagined! I hoping that passion is what will help me build my career even when things don’t seem so promising.

4.) I write because I’m pretty sure it’s my calling. There’s nothing I’m more passionate about than writing and it’s the only natural career path I can see myself venturing on, so why not declare it my calling?

Writing has never been as hard as it is right now. I feel like I’ve fallen into the biggest bout of writer’s block that has ever happened to any writer, but I really want to push through it. Soooooo….I’ve decided to participate in the National Novel Writing Month. Long story short, pray for me as I try to write a full novel of 50,000 words in 30 days. Wish my luck and send me encouragement from time to time if you so wish! And hound me to make sure I’m writing every day, because clearly I suck at this.

Real talk: Adulting is hard. Having actually responsibilities is hard. Working 40 hours a week is hard. Feeling like you have no time to yourself is hard. Having to pay for everything yourself is hard. Being far away from your closest friends is hard. Not spending all your money in the Target dollar section is hard (it may seem like this is easily avoidable, but I have a serious addiction).

I knew that life outside of my little college bubble wasn’t going to be a nice stroll through the park, but I never thought it would feel like I’m running a marathon with little to no training. I’m physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve cried myself to sleep more times this summer than I probably ever have in my life. I feel like I have an emotional break-down at least once a week (and my mom can attest to this). I haven’t had one in a while, which I’m counting as a personal triumph to be celebrated with cake later (;

I’ve been realizing that self-care is something I’m going to really have to focus on if I want to keep the emotional breakdowns to a minimum. At least once a day, I try to spend my time doing something that rejuvenates my soul. I work on my novels. I buy myself coffee and a chocolate pastry. I plan my European escapades. I craft something beautiful for my room. I buy myself a new dress. I read a book from my endlessly long list. I watch Gilmore Girls or Friends. I add another song to my post-grad-pick-me-up playlist on Spotify.

Honestly, sometimes self-care is just an excuse to treat myself to something because I’m not feeling particularly great that day, but regardless, my soul appreciates it and I am infinitely happier when I invest in myself. It may sound selfish to spend the little free time I have each day focused on myself, but I figure that I have to live with myself for the rest of my life, so I better learn how to start taking care of myself. And if that makes my days a little easier and my heart a little lighter in my chest, then that’s worth it to me.

In an effort to take care of myself this morning, I slept in a little bit, made myself a breakfast burrito, put on a cute dress & did my make-up, then I walked to Starbucks and bought myself coffee and a chocolate croissant. I’m currently listening to Shawn Mendes’ new album as I write this post and all these things combined are reminding me that my life is pretty dang good, even if at times things get too much.

//Sometimes it all gets a little too much,

But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,

And you don’t have to be afraid, because we’re all the same,

And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much.//

– Shawn Mendes, “A Little Too Much”

I realize that it’s been a while from my last blog post and I blame that on the fact that I’ve been extremely busy (& I just generally suck at blogging). But seriously, I feel like I’ve been go go go go go these past couple of weeks, so I thought I’d share what I’ve been up to so I can catch all of my 2 viewers up on my life.

The first update is a really sad one, so I apologize.

About three weeks ago, my family had to put Sierra, our precious pup of 16 years, down. I’m convinced that loosing a pet is one of the hardest things in the world. I don’t really remember what life was like without coming home to her loving face. If you have a dog, you know the joy it is to be unconditionally loved by them and I definitely felt that with her. My only regret is that I didn’t get to spend much time with her these past couple of years I’ve been away at school. I feel like our time was cut short, but I rest easy knowing that she is free of pain now and probably frolicking or sleeping in a rolling field of green.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of her that I took over the years.

Another sad thing that happened was that Lauren, one of my best friends from high school, left me to go teach in D.C. for 4 years! Luckily I got to hang out with her pretty much everyday for a week until she left. Lauren is one of the most selfless, kind-hearted, equal-minded & determined people I know. I have no doubt in my mind that she is going to make a wonderful educator and will truly change the lives of her students. We need more teachers like her. So proud of you, Lo! Can’t wait to join you on the East coast in a few years!

Here’s a picture of us at Swabby’s on our last day together. We realized this is the only picture we have taken together since high school, which is just stupid.

The week that I hung out with Lauren, an exciting opportunity presented itself to me. I had returned to Chick-Fil-A in Elk Grove with plans to work there part-time like usual and also try to do some substitute teaching so that I could pay off student loans. To be honest, I wasn’t really excited about the prospect and was even more nervous about making enough money to survive. However, that was quickly squashed when my operator, Darrell, approached me and asked me if I was interested in a Director position at the store since I was going to be sticking around for a while. I was shocked because it was a huge promotion and opportunity that had not even been on my radar. After a few meetings and lots of thinking, I accepted that promotion and I’m starting training to be the new Training Director at CFA. I’m really excited about the opportunity to grow in the company and as a leader. It’s going to be a challenging position and I’m scared I won’t succeed, but I’m choosing to grab this opportunity and rise to the occasion.

I don’t have a picture to document this occasion, so enjoy this picture of me I found of me at CFA! It accurately describes how I feel when I think about this opportunity!

Part of the reason things have been crazy this past week or so is because I was preparing of the wedding of my best friend, Grace, to her best friend, Matt. I was privileged to be asked to stand by their side as they pledged their love and devotion to each other for eternity! But first, we obviously had to celebrate the bachelorette with a fun-filled, crazy weekend in San Diego! Thanks, Gabi!

There was only a few days turn around until I was heading back down to L.A. again for the actual wedding! The whole weekend was a blur and I can’t believe that Matt and Grace are actually married now! I am so thankful that I got to be a part of their special day and I only hope that one day I’ll meet someone who will love me as much as Matt loves Grace (and vice versa)! Thank you for letting me share in the joy of your love!

I don’t have many pictures of the day because I was occupied by celebrating and getting ready, but I promise it was beautiful and filled with absolute pure joy!

In the craziness of everything this weekend, I realize I didn’t get a moment to really talk to Grace and Matt and express my love for them, so here is a quick note with just some of the things I would have liked to say to them!

Grace,

If  you’re reading this, I want you to know that I love you so much and I am so thankful that we became friends freshman year and that I got to stand by your side on your wedding day! You are the Blair to my Serena, the Monica to my Rachel & I could not ask for a better best friend! You have taught me determination, to laugh at myself, and that it is 100% okay to just be myself. Thank you for loving me and encouraging me these past few years! I can’t believe I don’t get to live with you anymore–and you have to live with a boy! (; There are so many things I could say to you about how happy I am for you and Matt, yet I can’t find the right words to express them! For now, I wish you all the happiness in the world and can’t wait to hear all about this next adventure in your life! Thanks for forging this uncharted territory for the F96Chicks! LOVE YOU B!

xoxo, S

Matt,

If you’re reading this (or if Grace is reading it to you), I want you to know that it has been an absolute privilege to watch you love Grace these past few years. You are selfless, loyal, intelligent and best of all, you love Grace will all of your heart. I was watching you during the ceremony and it was so apparent that your heart overflows with love for Grace, so much so that your eyes couldn’t contain that love! I want you to know that you have set the bar high for what a devoted boyfriend, finance & husband looks like for me. Thank you for sharing Grace with me just a little bit these past few years! Treat her right, because you have a gem among gems in her!

Love,

Alyssa

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That’s pretty much all I have in the way of updates on what’s been going on in my life. I promise to be more consistent in posting and hopefully I can deliver on that promise. I’m at the place where I’m realizing I really love my life even though nothing seems perfect right now. I’m not where I want to be, but I am definitely on that path and I am thankful for all the people who are surrounding me and encouraging me to continue to put one foot in front of the other!