It’s hard to believe that I graduated from college two weeks ago. Like what?! It doesn’t feel real. Here’s a photo of me to prove that it was, in fact, real.
A lot of my last year at APU went by in one big, fun blur–especially graduation. And because of that, I worry that I didn’t make the most of it.
I know that I have this tendency to move from one thing to the next in life quickly. I’m futuristic in nature and I can’t help but be excited about what lies ahead of me, especially when I know what that is. But this whole post-grad situation is throwing me off a little bit because I don’t know what lies ahead of me this time. I literally have no idea. Okay, well, I have some ideas, but nothing that really thrills me. Right now, it feels like I’m constantly staring into this void, squinting really hard to try and see a little glimmer of something there that will tell me what the next step is, but there’s nothing. And I know it’s only been two weeks and I’m trying to give myself time, but it’s scary out here. Probably because people won’t stop asking me what I’m going to be doing now that I’ve graduated college and I keep having to tell them the same thing: I don’t know.
I just want everyone I know who knows a recent grad to know that it’s okay to not ask: So what are you going to do now? It’s totally okay to not even bring the future up at all. Like, seriously, avoid that topic like the plague. Because the reality is that probably only 17% (and that might be being generous, but idk because I’m making this up for effect) of college grads actually know what they are going to do with their lives. And even if they do “know,” that plan might change. So don’t ask me or I will be damning you to hell in my head during our whole conversation. Kthanksbye.
Yes, I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life at 22 years old. Shocking. I know. And the more you ask me about what I want to do, the more the fear that I won’t even do anything at all worth while with my life rises, which only results in poor mental health for me.
Which brings me kind of full circle as you’ll see in a minute. My friend Natalie posted something on Instagram the other day about the importance of self-care in this new, unknown season of life. And honestly, if I’m going to stay mentally sound through the barrage of questions thrown at me daily about my future, I’m going to need some serious self-care (especially because I’m so terrible at transitions and I’m basically stuck in a perpetual transition right now–whoo!). So, I’m planning on reading a lot of good books, focusing on my physical health, writing daily (on my blog, in my journal, finishing my books, etc.), drinking a lot of coffee, trying to have a green thumb, and basically doing anything that makes me really, really happy.
So, I guess my new answer to the question “what will you be doing now?” is simply: Whatever makes me happy.
alyssa janell 